I really need to make money tonight. I took some out of my savings to visit my brother. I hate doing that but I miss my family so much. Then my scooter broke down and I haven't made any money at the bar since Friday - 4 days ago!"
Thursday, 9/10/15
So last night after I wrote that last bit I ran to say hello to 3 men who came in. 1 almost immediately bought me a drink and then they went into the karoke room and invited me to come with them!!! I NEVER get to go into the karoke room but some of the girls are back there all the time. They bought each of us 4 girls 3 bottles of soju. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with them at first - was I supposed to share them with the customer? But I watched the other girls and figured it out. They came with 3 glasses on a towel - one small, empty one, one filled with ice, and one filled with ice and tea. The bottles are warm so you are supposed to first pour it into the cup filled with ice to cool it, and then into the small glass. The bottle is just for the girl; the customer orders his own drinks. I was trying to do exactly what the other girls did but of course I got a little tipsy after just a little soju and Mama called me out to ask me why I wasn't drinking faster. Obviously the faster you drink the faster the customer can buy you another bottle.
They were 3 local businessmen with a colleague from Japan. The three local men were very respectful and I enjoyed talking to mine. He even let me order myself a Korean pancake when i asked because I wasn't used to drinking so much. However the Japanese man, who got two girls, was feeling very frisky. I felt sorry for the girls with him. He dropped a fake cigarette down one of their skirts and groped and spanked them whenever they stood up.
Oh I have a story about the pancake. The Kitchen Mama was very kind to me in the beginning but on that night I went into the kitchen to order something to help deal with the alcohol and asked her what I should get. She slammed an order pad and pen on the counter and said "if you don't know I don't know!" One of the managers/djs/bouncers was in there and I said "fine, pancake!" And he said "what you think this is pancake house?!" I was pretty tipsy by that time so I just bellowed "Korean! Korean pancake!" He nodded and wrote it down for me and a minute later it came out.
It never rains but it pours. After the businessmen left I ran into one of the first people I met there - a blue collar local guy with his three friends. I love those guys! He's so fun and always respectful and they adore my singing. He bought me 3 more drinks so I got 3 bottles - $255 and 4 drinks - $60 for the night.
You can imagine that in the morning I woke up feeling quite luxurious. However tonight I'm back to feeling shy and hesitant. I hate being rejected! I talked to one guy already. Only 5 to go!
2. Super awkward but I survived, like I always do. 3 to go.
Uh oh. Moving back into that where I question all my life choices. When it's good it's so good but the other 85% of the time it sucks. I already made my weekly quota last night so now I need to relax.
3. Not super awkward. One guy at least engaged in conversation before politely turning down my request to join them. I love journaling through this. It's very comforting for some reason.
4. Guy at bar already taken with bartender.
5. Guy smiled at me and I sat down for a moment. Had met him at Summit. Didn't seem inclined to buy though.
6. White guy just having a quick drink.
7. Came with customer (K) before. Also didn't seem inclined to buy.
8. Maybe should have tried harder with these guys, but I was getting all the wrong signals from theM.
False Thoughts:
- Customers don't want to talk to me.
- I'm bothering them.
- I don't have the right to talk to them.
- Why wouldn't they want to talk to me?
- This is my workplace; I have every right to interact with them within it.
- I'm awesome and doing them a favor by talking to them (that's what my boss at the other job always tells me about showing customers a new product).
I don't understand it! Karen just got here, she went up to one person and got a drink! They seemed to welcome her but I don't think she knew them.
Sometimes I can't help but feel that it's my lot in life to struggle. That what's easy for others will always be agonizingly difficult for me. I mean I've been here for over 3 hours. Maybe I should just go home. No I'll wait til 11:30. In the past sometimes I haven't gotten my first drink till 11.
Another 40 minutes.
It's so easy to shake me, to make me believe that there is really something intrinsically wrong with me. Guess this is what the absence of inner peace looks like.
No comments:
Post a Comment